


Relearning Nen

by Usermore



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-01
Updated: 2020-07-03
Packaged: 2021-02-24 17:08:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22061437
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Usermore/pseuds/Usermore
Summary: Gon Freecss was supposed to have sacrificed his nen, to no longer go on adventures, to have that “normal life.”Not exactly... what if Nanika overhealed Gon after that entire Neferpitou fiasco, and his pores opened four years later?Killua and Alluka head to Whale Island to help Gon relearn nen.Hopefully Killua’s feelings don’t get in the way.
Relationships: Gon Freecs & Killua Zoldyck, Gon Freecs/Killua Zoldyck
Comments: 4
Kudos: 35





	1. Reawaken

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, I have two unfinished works, but this one just fell on my head and I couldn’t let this idea go, especially upon stumbling upon this theory. (:

“Killua,” Gon’s voice came through the phone as shaky, almost in a whisper. 

“Gon? Gon what’s gong on?” Killua had been quick to ask, concern filled him as he clutched his phone close. What’s happening? Has there been trouble? Was it... Hisoka? 

He gulped, pressing the phone close to his ear, afraid he would miss whatever came from the other side of their call, “Gon, please tell me what’s wrong?” 

Killua heard a small gulp, and he could hear Gon moving around on the other side of the line. He tried to be patient, to give Gon time to speak, but he couldn’t help but ask, “is it your aunt?” 

A shaky laugh came from Gon’s end, “no, no, Aunt Mito is fine... look Killua,” he began to say slowly, “remember when I lost... well, I lost my nen?” 

“Y-yeah,” The ex assassin replied, his eyes then shifting to a closed door, where Alluka was staying in. He couldn’t help but feel this call had something to do with his sister.

“This might sound crazy— no, it is crazy! But yesterday I’ve been out fishing, and I don’t know what happened. I started to feel.. I started to feel nen, Killua. It’s that same familiar feeling, but it has to be impossible! I sacrificed... I..” he couldn’t finish. 

It had been confirmed; Killua wasn’t stupid, there was more to Nanika than anyone could simply understand. He finally removed his eyes from his sister’s bedroom door, falling instead on his feet. He knew he should be in denial, laugh it out and tell Gon he was being silly, but instead a mixture of fear and excitement mingled within himself. If this was all true, and Gon had started to slowly regain nen, Nanika having overhealed him, then... 

“We are coming to Whale Island,” Killua found himself saying. A small inhale of breath came from the other line before he heard Gon say, “that’s fine.”

It had been years, years of not seeing Gon, years of traveling without him, without feeling him next to him whenever they crashed to rest; he missed his snores, his smile when he dreamed. 

He was afraid, God was he afraid. He never did tell Gon how he felt all those years before, and he never felt those feelings leave. Yeah, traveling with Alluka helped him forget at times, but whenever he would lie awake at night, all he could think if things would have gone different if he had confessed to Gon back then. 

“Big brother, we mustn’t be late!” He snapped out of his thoughts, glancing at his sister. Alluka had a pout on her face, and Killua smiled. His sister always acted mature whenever it came to time. 

He started to grab his bag, “I know, I know, I was just thinking what kind of welcome we’d be getting.”

Alluka smiled, her eyes light, “I can imagine a big feast! Oh, oh, do you think they’d let Nanika and I help with dinner? You always burn the food, so we can’t exactly learn from you.” 

“Hey!” 

The siblings shared a laugh after that. Used to adventure, it was not an issue getting to Whale Island. 

Sure, they stopped along the way, much to Killua’s relief. The more he stalled, the more he wouldn’t face Gon yet. He smiled when he spotted his little sister happily point out on a trinket at the market they had been browsing in. Stalls were covered with people, either seeing or buying. The sight reminded Killua of York New City; he remembered it vividly. They were trying to get enough money to get into Greed Island. It was a laborious task, but in the end, Killua could only admire Gon’s smiling face, his optimistic, his determination — ugh, stop, Killua! You made this stop to forget Gon, not think of him! 

Shaking his head, he went to join Alluka, giving his own comments and and there before the two siblings walked away from the stall, wondering where to stop by next. 

As much as stalling helped his mood, he couldn’t help but think how Gon would react when he and Alluka stood outside his home. He could imagine his old friend inviting them in, talk their ear off, but most importantly, those eyes would look to Killua, accompanied by that signature smile that always had Killua’s knees grow weak. The closer they got to Whale Island, the more nervous he became. 

Their last destination really became bigger and bigger when the siblings got on a sail boat. They did spend the majority of their time playing games, at least to keep his sister happy and entertained with “I spy”. His heart did went haywire when it was Alluka’s turn. 

She smiled, her wandering eyes finally falling on her target. With a happy tone, she said, “I spy something green!” 

The island came into view when Killua turned to look at what Alluka was staring at. 

It was Whale Island. 

Gon. He was going to see Gon again after four years.


	2. Seeing Gon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was finally time to see Gon again after years of being apart.

Whale Island was exactly the same from when Killua was last there years ago with Gon. The island was simply beautiful with luscious green trees, many taller than mountains he and Alluka had seen during their travels around the world. 

The port was rather busy with people, from sailors, to tourists, and the residents of Whale Island. 

The smell of fish hit Killua hard, and his eyes began to water at the overwhelming smell; Alluka had been pointing at the market which lay visible near the port, her hand grabbing his as she pulled. 

Anything was good enough than the strong smell of freshly caught fish to the white haired Zoldyck as he allowed himself to be steered by his ecstatic little sister. She wanted to buy the Freecss family something nice, as she soon grew worried that one of the trinkets they had purchased during their journey was a feeble gift. 

“Are you kidding?” Killua replied with a smile, stroking at her head in an affectionate way, “anyone would be a fool to not accept any gift to begin with.” 

Either way, the Zoldyck siblings went looking for the perfect gift. After an hour, Killua decided to call it quits but at the very same time Alluka yelled, “oh! Look at this, big brother!” 

A smile spread on Killua’s face when he saw what Alluka had found: the perfect gift. 

The path to Gon’s house wasn’t very long. The two siblings watched in awe as the sun began to set from the horizon behind them, casting a warm orange glow as it covered the island. Killua took notice how the trees rustled gently, the breeze just right as it flowed by, their hair flying behind them. They both smiled; the house came into view. 

Despite his nerves, Killua was the one who knocked. He had expected Gon’s aunt to answer, but the person before him was the same familiar face he had met all those years ago. 

From the bright caramel eyes, to the sun kissed tan skin, and to the brightest smile Killua had ever seen that had blown his breath away. He wanted to speak, to say hi, to make a joke, anything to break the tension! 

Gon was... well, grown. He had a slight muscular build, but he was still shorter than Killua — actually, a bit shorter. It seemed Gon couldn’t catch up with Killua’s growth spurt when it came to height. 

“Hey,” it was Gon who initiated the conversation, his eyes from Killua to Alluka. He smiled when he spotted the younger Zoldyck. “Alluka! You’ve sure grown, the both of you really.” His eyes then flicked back to Killua. 

Alluka, coming out of her shyness smiled brightly, “Gon, it’s so good to see you! Big brother wouldn’t stop talking about you! Actually, he never did stop talking about you in the years —“ 

Her mouth had been covered by an embarrassed Killua. “Alluka meant to say that.. well,” he let his hand fall, giving his sister a slight glare. He kicked at the ground, “can we come in? It’s getting kind of chilly.” 

It was Gon’s turn to turn red, immediately apologizing and letting them in. He quickly explained that his aunt was due back from her errand. Killua was about to ask about Gon’s great grandmother, but felt an uneasy feeling about bringing that topic up. It has been years... 

Gon had been rather ecstatic with the idea that the two siblings didn’t have a time limit of their stay. 

Killua watched him with a small smile, his eyes following Gon who had offered to take Alluka’s things upstairs in a spare room, Alluka telling him about their adventures and Gon about his schooling and life in Whale Island. 

School and Gon was odd. He knew Gon was smart, but the idea of the dark haired boy in a classroom filled with nothing but desks was an amusing thought. 

Killua wondered how school would be like for him that didn’t involve looking at pictures from his family library on records of assassinations that took place in said schools; most targets were sons and daughters of whatever parent pissed off a rich tycoon. Illumi had made sure that Killua let the fact sink in: no one is safe when a job was set. 

The white haired man decided to follow the other two upstairs, his eyes focused on his surroundings as he ascended the stairs to the second floor. Everything was the same; the house was as welcoming as ever, no dust dare lay on the Freecss’ household. Upon reaching the guest room, Killua felt his eyes soften even more. Alluka had plopped onto the bed, hugging the pillow as she fell asleep just as quick than she had collapsed. 

“Was the trip tiring?” Gon had asked, his eyes following the other who strides past, lifting the covers on his sister, tucking her in. 

Gon slowly stepped out of the room, not wanting to intrude on the siblings. Seconds later Killua had closed the door behind him, stepping out. 

Both he and the boy with the caramel eyes stared at one another, the hallway wasn’t exactly roomy as the both grew red, trying to back away from each other to have an unnecessary large space between them. 

“Ahem, should we head downstairs and talk about my aura opening up?” The shorter man rubbed the back of his head, eyes averted away. 

The Zoldyck’s ex heir nodded, his own cerulean blues falling to the floor. He followed Gon downstairs. Both men were silent while they descended the stairs. 

It was Killua who spoke first, “Gon, about your aura; when did you start having any sensation that.. well, that it came back? It awoke, right? Just like that?” He leaned against the wall, arms crossed. 

“Yes,” the man replied, and quickly added, “I’ve been trying the basics; ten especially. It’s not the same learning without you.” 

Killua’s arms uncrossed and Gon quickly covered his mouth. 

Before any of them could utter a word, the front door opened and Mito came in. Her eyes switched to both boys, but she offered a smile anyway, not wanting to add tension to whatever conversation had occurred before she interrupted. “Killua, you’re here! If I have known, I would have cooked something up!” The kind woman walked forward, grasping the young man’s hands with hers, “and you’ve grown! Gon, you should have told me in advance that Killua and his sister were arriving today!” 

Mito looked around as to look for Alluka, and Gon explained she was tired and took a nap. The woman eyed both Gon and Killua with a stern expression. “Well, why don’t you boys get cleaned up and help me set the table. You should let your sister sleep in,” she added to Killua, her expression soft. “We can wake her when dinner is ready. Poor dear, she must be extremely tired from the trip.” 

It was like the last time Killua was here. They each took their turn in the shower while the other waited outside the bathroom door. Sure, as kids they would have shared to save water and time, but now as adults, the thought of seeing Gon naked had Killua blushing like the rising sun. He didn’t need that image in his head! Well, he did, but that was wrong! He shouldn’t even have these sort of thoughts to begin with. 

His fringe covered his eyes as he thought on his feelings, but most importantly how he was to help Gon relearn nen. Would Gon slip away from him again once he wasn’t dependent of Killua anymore? Would he refuse to adventure with the Zoldyck siblings and go his own path? Both thoughts made the Zoldyck man’s heart ache. 

Quickly shaking these thoughts away, Killua finished rinsing off before turning the water off. He didn’t bother wiping the fog from the mirror before him. Wrapping a towel around his waist, he made his way out. 

Coming face to face with Gon again made him revisit those feelings. Red in the face, he quickly stuttered that it was Gon’s turn. 

Maybe this was a bad idea after all.


	3. Chapter 3

Dinner was lively that evening despite Killua’s awkwardness around Gon. They would occasionally smile at each other whenever they caught each other’s eye. 

Alluka was thoroughly enjoying herself as she and Mito chatted about a dish the older woman had prepared, then the topic switched to Alluka’s adventures with her brother; at this, Killua took the opportunity to join in the conversation and add in his own stories. 

At least it got his mind off Gon for now. 

It was after dinner, however, that Killua felt himself start to dread being alone with Gon. The Zoldyck ex heir had offered to wash the dishes, but he did not expect Gon to join him and help out. 

Caramel brown met cerulean blue. 

It was for a brief moment. Killua looked away, his eyes focused on the task before him. 

“Ne, Killua, how come you’ve been avoiding me?”

Straight to the point, huh?

“I haven’t, Gon. I’m just — Gods, I’m just tired.” It was half true, so it wasn’t technically a lie. 

To Killua’s relief, Gon didn’t speak after that, but he did feel his gaze on him when he thought Killua wasn’t looking. In fact, he would add his own glances right back to admire Gon when he was sure the other wasn’t looking.

Sharing a bedroom with his old friend was odd. As kids, this was the white haired man’s favorite time of the evening; both boys would play games and keep each other up all night until one of them fell asleep first. 

But now... they were older, and Gon was in school, his life of adventure had been over for years. What was there to say when you have nothing in common with someone you used to know? 

Of course it was Gon Freecss starting a conversation like there was no tension between them. “Killua, you can have my bed, I’ll take the futon.” 

“No, I’m the guest. Don’t be ridiculous, Gon,” the taller of the two started to protest. 

Once again their eyes met again, but this time none of them looked away. They were having a blinking contest it seems. 

First one to blink was the loser. 

Whoever the winner would have been, no one knew because Gon blurted out, 

“We can share the bed!”

Old Killua would have gone all red, shouted how Gon was an idiot and embarrassing for suggesting something so intimate, but all the white haired man said was, “no, I don’t want to hog the blankets.” A tint of red appeared on his cheeks. 

“Come on, Killua, it’ll be like old times!” The other grinned, leaning forward. He was sitting cross-legged on his bed, and Killua would have called him a frog if the other had been wearing green at the moment. 

Gon was wearing a grey tank top and black shorts - the absence of green was a bit weird to the Zoldyck. Again, he was observing his old friend, he knew, so he started to look around the bedroom before his mind grew too fond of Gon’s features. 

It was simply the same from when he was last there. The difference was the color blue and purple were more of a catch than any other color. 

The taller man smiled at that. Since when did Gon changed from green to these two colors? 

Purple sheets, blue pillow, purple curtains, blue chair, etc. 

He wondered if Gon had school the next day and was about to voice this thought out when he was almost hit on the face with a pillow. It seems his assassin reflexes were still useful when it came to harmless pillow throwing. 

Gon pouted, “Aw, you weren’t looking! I thought I’ve finally got you.” He then started to grin, grabbing the second pillow off his bed. Caramel eyes were set on the taller man, filled with determination and a goal in mind. 

A smirk appeared on the taller man’s lips as they started their small pillow fight. Killua was careful enough to not use nen, taking Gon’s loss of nen as something fragile, but of course they would have to face this together and help the older boy (yes, boy! Eighteen wasn’t that old!) regain control of what was once locked away within himself. 

There was no telling how this next part happened. At first, they were playing with who can hit who with pillows, and then the next moment Killua was on top of Gon, having fallen, or something — even when it makes no sense! 

Hasn’t he always had balance? Wasn’t he trained not to make easy mistakes? 

“I win, I guess,” Killua mustered, getting off his friend. He noticed Gon’s cheeks were flushed and the shorter of the two averted his eyes as he agreed. 

It seemed they were back to square one. There was this tension between them that Killua had to swim through to reach the other side. 

—- 

“Breathe,” Killua said as he paced the living room the next morning, circling around Gon who had started to practice Ten. 

Or at least tried to. 

“It’s harder than before,” Gon admitted, opening one eye. 

Alluka had taken a liking to Mito, and Killua and Gon were happy to see both women quickly growing a bond with each other. One that anyone would call it mother and daughter.

To Gon, this was good for Mito to spend time with someone who wasn’t away at school or leaving to run errands. His aunt had been devastated when Grandma Abe passed away, and seeing Alluka here and bringing his aunt light in her eyes that had once dimmed. 

To Killua, just the thought of Alluka looking up to someone else, one who had the same compassion as a mother would, an adult, a woman with a heart of gold — it was a relief. His sister was so used to being treated poorly by her own mother, and seeing Mito immediately and unknowingly taking that role gave Killua relief. 

No more dangerous journeys, no more fear of enemies, or being killed — no, Gon’s home felt like... well, a safe place for the Zoldyck siblings. 

“Take a break.” Killua had stopped his pacing, giving his friend an amused glance. “For now. We can try again, and don’t be stubborn and go against what I’m just telling you or I won’t help you,” he threatened just as Gon started to open his mouth to protest. 

Gon pouted, arms crossed. 

“I mean it, Gon.”

“I’m not arguing, Killua!” 

They both stared at each other before they cracked a smile at the same time. 

“Killua, when can we play? It doesn’t have to involve nen!” He quickly replied when Killua raised an eyebrow. “What I mean is, I want to go fishing with you again. Since your sister and my aunt are out, we can try to catch some dinner for once and help cook the fish ourselves!” He finished with a very big smile. 

“Hm,” the ex assassin pretended to be in thought, finger under his chin before he nodded, eyes closed. “Sounds like a plan!” 

You could say their fishing trip went well. It did, at first, until they both had to wrestle a fish, in result, causing Killua to fall into a pile of mud by the watering edge, dragging Gon along with him in the fall. 

They caught a couple of fish before calling it a day and returning home. Cooking the fish was okay... until both boys fought over how the fish should be cooked, what ingredients they should have used, and they wouldn’t agree with anything, so they had to split their dishes. 

By the end of it all, they stood proud by their dishes while Mito and Alluka smiled politely, trying their best not to let the stubborn boys know that their fish were undercooked, overcooked, and goodness, Killua forgot to scale his fish!


	4. Let it out, Killua

A couple of weeks have passed since the Zoldycks arrived at Whale Island. While the island stayed as beautiful as can be; the trees swaying against the breeze that usually came around the hill in which Gon’s home resided, the fresh smell of freshly caught fish wafting its way up the hill from the market below - Whale Island just felt like home to anyone who would step a foot on it. 

Far from the market, and a bit away from the Freecss residence, both Gon and Killua found a small clearing to practice on. It was the peaceful meadow like look that made them agree that it was a calling for them to use to train. 

Gon was still struggling on his nen, and Killua was adamant to be stern on the other who began to whine when he started to lose patience. 

“Gon, you can’t expect it to be at the level you were before. You’re still in the infant stage, but you’re growing rapidly,” he added when the other’s brown eyes started to shift downward in shame. 

Gon immediately perked up at that, “you mean it? I know I have to learn nen all over again, and I know I can’t learn it in a few weeks, but, you helping me means a lot, Killua,” he added with a huge grin. 

The white haired Zoldyck could have sworn that the sun was awfully bright today. He turned away, his cheeks tinted with a blush of pink. 

Silence followed that conversation, but it was blissful and comfortable as both enjoyed each other’s presence. There was a feeling that did linger in Killua whenever he looked at Gon, and he quickly pushed it away. 

But it kept lurking. 

‘He sacrificed his nen and almost his life for himself,’ a small voice in his head hissed, ‘he was willing to leave you behind, you, Killua — HIS best friend for revenge.’

A small anger lit in him, and he swiftly got up, starting to walk away from his now confused friend? We’re they actually friends? Or merely companions? 

“Killua,” the dark haired man asked, his brows furrowed in confusion. 

“That’s all for today,” the other replied curtly, still facing away. It took Killua a lot to keep himself from crossing his arms and letting Gon know that he was still furious over the past. It seemed to him that Gon didn’t hold any accountability when it came to his near death experience. 

Killua felt himself break; seeing his best friend in the state he was in had scared him, and he hated it. He hated how much he has done for the other, how much he had learned about friendship and learned how to genuinely love someone outside of his sister. 

The white haired man stiffened when he felt a warm hand clutch onto his shoulder; soft, warm, and the just.... Gon. 

Gon averted his eyes as he spoke, still behind the taller of the two, “Killua, at times, I can sense you grow colder, but at other times you seem like yourself. I have a feeling I may be the reason for this and I want to say that you don’t have to teach me on regaining my nen back,”

“It’s selfish of me, and I know we weren’t as closed as we were in the past, but —“

“Stop.”

“Huh?” Gon stared at the back of Killua’s head, confused even more. 

“I said stop; I’m here to help you, so quit trying to act selfless, Gon,” Killua pulled away, turning his head sideways to watch his old friend stare in stun silence. “I’m only helping you because you owe me,” lie, “and because Alluka needed some place to stay for awhile to have a sense of the word home. This wasn’t for you,” another lie. 

He could feel his heart clenching as he said these words, but he didn’t want to be close to Gon after all. Maybe these feelings were telling him something — to avoid Gon, to avoid getting his heart broken all over again. 

He had cried whenever he thought he was alone when he travelled with his sister, and it was until she awoke one of those nights and confront him was he able to freely cry into her shoulder. 

How many of those nights had his sister held him until he had fallen asleep. 

He wanted to make it up to get, despite how kind and selfless she was to tell him it’s what sisters do — to comfort their big brothers too just as much as he had protected her. 

Feeling his eyes begin to water, he turned away and started back toward the house. 

He, however, did not see the tears running down Gon’s face as he realized what had just happened.


End file.
